My heart be still

It is every mother's dilemma of deciding when to let go and when to intervene; when to hug and kiss and when to wave goodbye from the corner. It may seem premature for me to say anything about this as I am only just about 9 years into this parenting gig, but I can say I have had two recent experiences with my boys that have sent me reeling into varying states of panic and maternal bliss!!!

First, panic.

Last Sunday we hit the slopes for a great day of skiing. It was not great because of weather - in fact it was cold and blustery and therefore kind of unencouraging! But it was great because there were lots of friends there to ski with and sit with and snack with, and also because the boys were feeling particularly enthusiastic about skiing.

At one point, several of us (including my whole immediate family) took a nice, long green run down the side of the mountain. Well Sam must have had an extra dose of confidence that morning because he took off ahead of the gang. When we finally caught up with him, he had decided that he was going on from that point alone. Totally alone. He planned to finish the run, get on the lift and do another green run - ALL BY HIMSELF! So I let him.

My insides were bursting with an innate maternal need to follow him and make sure he didn't fall or lose his way or get scared and start to cry for his momma!!! But apparently that is only something moms feel because Sam's father was encouraging me to let him go and take an adult run while I could! So I left. I left my almost 6-year-old child to fend for himself on the big, scary mountain while I selfishly carved up some sweet runs on my own. And you know what? (Of course you do!) He was just fine! And I couldn't have been more proud!!!!!

And then, maternal bliss.

Last weekend, John Hampton was rewarded for a week's worth of homework and reading assignments with a sleepover. He had 2 buddies over Friday after school and they played hard all evening and were delightfully behaved and well mannered. Of course, I had no great intentions of either getting a good night's sleep or of sleeping in the next morning as I assumed I would be listening out for giggles, cries, or maybe even disagreements coming from the palette on the living room floor that served as a bed for all 3! Well sure enough, there were ghost stories and giggles and fart jokes galore well past the time that I declared lights out. But what I didn't expect was a call from Hamp - a quiet cry for mom that woke me from my light dozing and had me by his side in a flash. Turns out my big boy was not only a little afraid of the dark, but he was also not too proud to call his mom in for a cuddle... even with his friends right there! So much to my great pleasure, I curled up next to my boy and giggled and whispered right along with them until I knew it was really time for sleep. Then a gentle kiss for each of them, and I snuck out with a full heart.

The best part though was a couple of days later, as I was kissing my boys goodnight in their beds - Hamp hugs me and tells me "thank you" for staying with him when he needed me. I thought for a moment to tell him how I will always be there for him if he ever needs me and that all he has to do is call.... but instead, I just said "You're welcome. I love you."

What more can I say?!