Hamp turned 14 in good form - he is in between sports so he has more free time now to roll his eyes at me, play the Xbox, watch YouTube videos, and hang out with friends! I am buoyed by the occasional moment that he wants to hug me, or holds the door open for someone, or shares a story or plays nicely with his brother. For his birthday he asked for ONE thing: to be excused from school and go skiing! So I indulged (which his father may not have appreciated!) and we played hooky for the mountain and had doughnuts for breakfast!In 14 years I have learned to appreciate the balance of sweet moments with trying times and to appreciate the difference between what I want Hamp to be and who he is.
January 24th
Sam is now 11 and is as intense and thoughtful as ever. His childhood leanings toward creativity and curiosity have developed into a passion for building and subsequently a very messy desk! (we got a hot glue gun for Christmas and it has been put to good use lately!) He continues to practice gymnastics 5 hours a week, and spent his birthday evening at the gym where his sweet teammates sang to him and presented him with a gift! He enjoyed sharing cupcakes with them and didn't even mind waiting until 9pm that night to open his gifts.In 11 years I have learned that parenting is different for each child, for they each need different things from me and that one of the most important things to do as a parent is just stop and listen and pay attention to their world.
January 25th
It has been 3 years since Jason passed and while time heals wounds, living without him is still difficult on a daily basis. The hole he left is still gaping and he is constantly on my mind. I wonder every day whether I mention him enough or too much; whether the boys remember him well or think of him often. I fear the day his absence will manifest in some way a character flaw in either of them - and constantly try to prevent that from happening. I find myself still imagining him with us - his reaction to new songs or his pride at his sons' endeavors or his excitement for all the adventures we go on.
In 3 years I have learned that gratitude is not always an easy choice and that single parenting, whatever the circumstances, is difficult and that family (both biological and chosen) is what matters most.
Sorry for my delay. What a week you have late in January every year. I LOVE YOU! And wish I could be there to give you ginormous hugs and just be with you. I am so thankful for the family and friends you have and that they are so good to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mandi. I often wonder how you are doing/feeling/thinking since Jason has been gone. I am grateful that you take the time to share here. Hugs!!
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