Snow

We love living in Colorado.

Here are a few reasons why:

sibling ski day!

A very merry Christmas

We have been celebrating well.

Family and friends have been in and out of the house...

Jason's brother came the weekend before Christmas for a most excellent visit.

Jason's parents (Yaya & Papa!) drove out the week before that and will stay through the holidays and then some!

And my parents (Mojo & Dado!) have been here since early December and I'm not convinced I am going to let them leave, either!

Then my brother and his crew showed up just in time for Santa to visit and bring all the boys exactly what they ask for...

I guess these boys must have all been very nice this year, because not only did Santa bring them what they wanted, but it took the better part of Christmas Day to open all the fabulous gifts under the tree!

sweet cousins!

Of course, we're all a little sad that the festivities are over... 

but we're still together and enjoying the snow and the new toys and plenty of good food.

So now we look forward to ringing in a new year with lots of love and laughter and hope.

Christmas Cards

I spent some quiet time this morning - boys at a friend's house, Jason sleeping, grandparents all nestled in their cabin, me with a cup of coffee! - opening a stack of Christmas Cards.

Let it be known that the Christmas Card exchange is by far my favorite tradition all year... better than the 4th of July parade or trick-or-treating or Valentine's candy (all of which also make me sentimental... ). There's something about the spirit of the cards; the time people put in to taking family photos, finding just the right card, writing just the right message and stamping and addressing the card - you know that someone is thinking of you at least for those few seconds it takes to write out your name on the envelope!

So I relish in the opening of every envelope. And today, in the peace of a few quiet moments I opened several and just cried. The collection of cards and all of their meaning and thoughtfulness overwhelmed me and I cried. To read JOY and BLESSINGS and MERRY and PEACE over and over again is encouraging and reassuring. To read the sweet personal notes that some write in their cards is touching and heart warming. And the very best part? Well, in our 'temporary' living arrangement I have hesitated to get too invested, hoping to be back in our home before too long. So there is nothing on the walls to make us feel like we belong here. However, I did have a stroke of genius and decided to display all the Christmas cards we receive this year on the wall... and the effect is beautiful. I feel the presence of all our friends and their love all around me. I gaze upon all the beautiful, smiling faces - my friends and their beautiful families or their excellent adventures and I feel great JOY and BLESSINGS and HAPPINESS and PEACE.

the x-bow

Sam is still our gymnastics star!

He has been improving his skills in a Wednesday night class out of town... which isn't bad when the carpool includes these wonderful kids:

the Meeker crew

It was 'parent observation night' this week so I dutifully sat and watched in amazement at the discipline and rigor of a full hour long of instruction! I managed to catch a minute or so of floor exercises, a little beam and some vault... but he does much more in class and it's all impressive (well... to me!). There's no telling if he will continue to be passionate about this sport - and whether he ends up an Olympic gymnast or just that cool kid that can do a standing back flip at parties one day... as long as he is happy we will continue to support him!

Sam was quite proud of his fall semester.
He was excited to show off for his family - so much so that in referring to the special night as his gymnastics expo, he made sure to write it himself on the calendar... (thus the title of this post!)

Just enjoy the ride

Since coming back home after thanksgiving, our adventures have taken on a different feel...

Jason's latest MRI shows more cancer in the brain.

The oncologist was quite frank about the findings, as if we should have been expecting this all along.

I'll admit, we (at least I) never expected a miracle cure...

But to find out that the chemotherapy did not slow the growth of the cancer cells was crushing.

Our treatment options at this point are almost exhausted.

• There are clinical trials still, but not only would Jason have to 'qualify' for any of them, but then none of them guarantee any success or extended longevity.
• There is another chemotherapy drug - Lomustine - that was offered, but we can't help but see this as a last-ditch effort that will not turn around the prognosis but rather rack his body with side effects and additional ailments to gain merely a fraction of additional time.

Considering the original diagnosis was Stage 4 cancer - we feel as if we have done everything possible to combat the tumor growth:  we have surgically removed the tumor (sustaining a stroke and paralysis in the process), radiated his brain, taken double chemotherapy: Temodar and Avastin, used Frankincense oil and Turmeric spice... so while there are hovering feelings that by stopping medical treatment at this point we are effectively 'giving up' or 'not fighting', we do hope that our struggles over the past 8 months (and the fact that we didn't move to Oregon!) are testament to Jason's effort to be more than his diagnosis, and to enjoy life in every way.

So we are re-calibrating - yet again! - and trying to find peace in this journey.

In some of my most existential moments through all of this I have flat out asked Jason, "What makes you happy? Why do you live?" and his answers have both humbled me and rejuvenated me. He responds, "My children... and people."

And he means everyone. His immediate family, closest friends, co-workers, associates, old friends, everyone. His relationships with people are his raison d'être and he truly does perk up when he can join a conversation or participate in a good joke.

To return to the road trip metaphor, I would have to say that at first I thought maybe it felt like we were taking a Thelma & Louise approach to our journey... or maybe running out of gas... or maybe lost along some desolate stretch of highway with no hope for reorientation?

But then I took a deep breath and realized the truth:

We are on a party bus!!! (of course we are... It's Jason! He'd have it no other way!)

This bus will drive indefinitely... and eventually (hopefully not too soon) this bus will pull off the highway and drop Jason off at home. He'll disembark and then the bus will continue on, we will all keep driving down the road until it's our stop approaching.

So naturally, we spent the past weekend doing what we would have normally done - the annual Christmas Tree hunt (and family Christmas Card photo opportunity!) in the National Forest. While I was having trouble getting in the Christmas Spirit overall, Jason had no hesitation to get a real tree. So despite feeling weak, tired and nauseous, Jason made the car ride up bumpy dirt roads and across creeks and up snowy hills to where we could let the boys and dogs run amok and laugh and visit while hunting for the perfect tree. And while I questioned whether it was even a good idea to take Jason - in the cool weather with no comforts of home - turns out it made him happy. His comforts are found in moments like these, with his friends... on the party bus!

family & friends

Our Thanksgiving weekend trip to Knoxville was the BEST adventure we could ever hope for!

the Hightower family ♥

It was important for Jason to make the trip - for many reasons.

Perhaps the biggest reason was so he could hug his grandmother, who celebrated her 90th birthday last week!

But more than that, it was to see ALL his family - all together.

Aunts, uncles, cousins, brother, nephews & niece...

Speaking of those nephews & niece - Hamp & Sam were SO excited to see their cousins!

In fact, the only photo that I was able to get of all the kids standing still was a side shot from our family portrait session with photographer Jessi Ringer (beautiful, beautiful family photos to share soon...)

Otherwise, these guys were busy playing foosball, building forts, making up plays, or building a bridge across the creek in the backyard!

Another big reason to trek eastward for the weekend was the mini-high school reunion that was being planned... Jason really wanted to see these people. He loves them so deeply and is so touched by the support they have shown over the last several months!

The gathering was wonderful - full of love and plenty of inappropriate jokes. (thanks, Lance.)

And I was able to see this:

25 years and they haven't changed a bit...

The photo below, however captures the essence of why we live, why we fight, and why we travel.

To sit around the dinner table with our family that is spread across several states - with uncles and aunts and cousins we don't see often enough; with brothers we love and miss dearly every day - to eat, laugh and know that we are family.